The Ultimate “Surely”

Yesterday at LifePoint Church, there was one word in the message that stayed with me: Surely.

The message came from Psalm 23:6: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”

I’ve spent a lot of my life living in the “what ifs.”

What if this doesn’t work out? What if something happens to someone I love? What if the opportunity doesn’t come? What if I make the wrong decision? What if the thing I’m praying for doesn’t change?

Even recently, I found myself there. I was sick for three weeks. I wasn’t sleeping well, I was exhausted, nauseated, barely eating and just didn’t feel like myself. When you’re someone who is used to moving, working, serving and taking care of things, three weeks of your body saying no can feel like forever.

There were moments when I wondered when I was going to feel like myself again. But I pulled through, and now that I’m feeling better, I can see that God was just as present in those three weeks as He is when I’m strong and running full speed.

His goodness didn’t disappear because I didn’t feel good.

That brought me back to something from the sermon that I loved: Sometimes we’re asking God for a map, and He’s offering us His hand.

I like maps. I like plans, goals, timelines and knowing what comes next. But when I look at my life, some of the most important places God has taken me were never places I would have put on a map.

I’m also learning that there’s a difference between my responsibility and God’s sovereignty. I can pray, prepare, work hard, take care of myself, make the phone call, submit the application, show up and take the next right step. But I cannot control every outcome.

Sometimes I’ve done everything I know to do, and I still don’t get the outcome I wanted. That’s where yielding comes in. Yielding isn’t giving up. Sometimes yielding is simply saying, “God, I’ve done what I know to do. Now I’m trusting You with what I cannot do.”

But the deepest part of this message for me wasn’t really about the “what ifs.” It was about the whys.

Because I’ve got some real whys.

Why did my daughter die in that car crash?

I will probably never have an answer that makes losing my daughter make sense. But I can say surely God was with my grandson in that car. Surely His hand was on him, and surely God saved his life.

I can grieve the life that was lost while still being grateful for the life that was spared.

I’ve asked, why was I the victim of a shooting? Why did I have to be struck by bullets and live with permanent disabilities because of it?

I don’t know.

But surely I walked away from that shooting alive instead of dead. There was another possible ending to that story, and I know it. Yet I’m still here. I’m still speaking, serving, loving, building and using my story.

I’ve also asked, why did I have to serve another six months in jail after I relapsed instead of being taken to rehab?

I needed treatment. I needed help. And instead, I found myself behind bars again.

I could look at those six months as nothing but time taken from my life. But I also know what happened while I was there.

Surely God used me to impact the lives of other women in that jail for the Gospel.

There were women I met who understood brokenness, addiction, shame and consequences because I understood them too. There were conversations about God, hope, forgiveness and second chances that I might never have had anywhere else.

Would I have chosen jail as the place God would use me? Absolutely not.

But He used me there anyway.

And maybe that’s what surely means for me now.

It doesn’t mean my daughter dying was good. It doesn’t mean being shot was good. It doesn’t mean incarceration instead of treatment was good. And faith doesn’t require me to pretend those things didn’t hurt or that I understand why they happened.

It means I can look at some of the hardest chapters of my life and still recognize that God was there.

When I cannot answer why, I can still say surely.

Surely God was with us.

Surely His mercy covered us.

Surely He carried me when I couldn’t carry myself.

Surely He found purpose even in places where all I could see at the time was pain.

So I’m working on changing the conversation in my own head. When the “what ifs” start coming, I want to remember what I already know.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know how every prayer will be answered, what doors will open or what valleys I may still have to walk through.

But I don’t need God to hand me the entire map.

I’ll take His hand.

After everything I’ve lived through, there is one thing I can still say with confidence:

Surely goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life.

And surely they aren’t finished following me yet.